Chica
by rogers.forbidden.love.child
Summary: I hang up the phone, tears welling up in my eyes. Why can't she understand? I never did like your mother. Can be applied to whatever pairing you want it to, though if you know what pairing I usually write then you will know who I mean to be saying it.


**This is a fic I kinda just wrote. I just sat at a computer and typed away and this is what came out. Hopefully this can be taken from the point of view of any character from the HSM universe and applied to which ever coupling you want to apply it to. Hopefully...**

**Anyway, if you look at my other fics and the main couple I usually write I think you might just be able to figure out who is saying this and who they are saying it about.**

I hang up the phone, tears welling up in my eyes.

Why can't she understand?

I never did like your mother.

I walk to my bag, behind my friends.

I try to pretend that everything's ok.

It's not.

They look at me and smile softly, seemingly oblivious to the pain that's seething inside me.

I smile softly back and concentrate on freeing my lunch from its box.

I look down.

The tears fall.

I can't keep it inside any longer.

I walk to one of them and they finally seem to notice my tears.

I get hugged.

The dam inside me breaks and all the water held behind it floods out through my eyes.

The pain dissolved in that salty water is also released.

I lower my head.

My shoulders start to shrug involuntarily and my chest starts to heave.

I breathe yet I draw no breath.

I raise my head to find that I am suddenly surrounded.

They all talk at me, asking such evasive questions such as enquiring as to what is wrong and asking me to explain.

I try but I cannot find the words to convey the throbbing ache that has taken over the space where my heart used to be.

I try to draw a calming breath and mentally sigh as I feel the sweet oxygen finally penetrate my lungs and enter my blood stream.

That is when everything comes out, everything in a mess of tears and sobs and laboured breaths.

I feel disappointed inside after I have finished, as if my sobs and shed tears have somehow failed to express how I feel.

Of course they failed.

I look at the faces around me with new eyes.

How can they understand?

I look around and where I once saw friends and confidants, I now only see liars making pathetic attempts at soothing my pain which they know nothing about.

But still I am grateful for them and thankful for their presence in my life.

I understand that even though they know nothing they still try and I am able to salvage at least a scrap of comfort from their empty words.

Then they are gone, their attentions focused on some new, not as depressing thing that has happened.

Butterflies.

That's all that people really are when you think about it.

They concentrate for a minute or two on one particular thing before moving on to pastures new.

They all move around me yet I stay still.

I stare out of the far window, into the dense fog hanging outside, and think.

I reminisce of our lost nights, our found nights, our nights that never seemed to end.

I concentrate on how stupid I am.

I knew we shouldn't have done that yet I continued to let you.

I knew we should have stopped yet I allowed you to carry on.

I knew we shouldn't be in love yet still I love you.

The ache inside me grows and I move away from the emptiness.

I walk away from them yet wander unwittingly right into the path of one of them.

I choose to ignore the empty words uttered to me as I pass and just manage to dodge their touch without even moving.

I get to my destination.

I sit slowly and silently.

I think and I write.

One by one they try to console me further, escaping from their comfort zone for only a moment before deeming me a lost cause.

They try to talk to me but I refuse to engage them, because even though I am grateful for them and their presence in my life I now realise I do not deserve them or the comfort they offer.

One reaches out for my shoulder and tries to alleviate my pain through a simple touch.

I shrug off their hand.

I stay where I am and let life continue around me.

The wind blows in through the open window.

It freezes me.

Still I sit and think and reminisce.

Still I freeze.

Still I hurt.

I sit there, trying to feel nothing and just let the wind wash over me and freeze me to the core.

It freezes only my skin.

I let my hand wander closer to my body, seeking warmth.

Immediately I scald myself for my sign of weakness.

I realise I am thinking about how things shouldn't be this hard.

I realise I am giving up.

I scald myself again, but harsher now.

I will not give up, not on this.

I feel a wave of self-loathing consume me for even considering the option of giving up.

I will not give up.

I sit here and accept my pain, accept my hurt.

I smile softly to myself.

The pain is still there, the hurt still smarts.

But it's somehow better now.

I hear laughter around me and my smile fades.

I will not allow anyone to think I am content.

I am not.

I will never be until I am with you.

The day I wake up and the first thing I see is your face smiling at me, that is when I will be truly content.

But until that day, I will remain broken.

For that is all we are.

Broken.

We go through our whole lives broken, just searching for someone to put us back together.

So until the day you are able to put me together, I slowly fall apart and die a little more each day…

Until the day you are with me…

I love you my chica, and I always will.

**Cheers for reading this, please leave me a review saying what you think. If there were parts of it you didn't get then please tell me and I will try to make it work better.**

**Jo**

**X**


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